When you find something bad happens to you, have you ever found that you make a deal with our God? 'Please God, if you heal me, I will become the best Samaritan there is and never complain about anything ever again'. This is a form of bargaining. It is however a false hope if you do not have religious feelings. It can lead you towards making yourself believe you can avoid the grief through a type of false negotiation. Perhaps now is the time to find belief in divine inspiration in yourself and also God. To get your life back to how it was prior to the diagnosis of the grief, you must be willing to make major life changes in an attempt to find a normality. Overcoming the grief event can be found in your divine spirit of Self and God. In the Self it is known as mindfulness.
Guilt can be a commonality of bargaining. It is a time when you might endure an endless stream of ' What ifs' in your thought processes. It is a part of anxiety and depression that can form in 'What ifs' of ‘What if I had only left the house sooner, then the accident would not have happened’. ‘What if I had gone to the doctors earlier, then the cancer could have been caught and I could have been saved’. These are negative bargaining tools. You need to find positive bargaining tools like 'What if I attend that counselling group'? And ‘What if I do try mindfulness’?
Depression for example is the common formula of grief. Most people find association to depression with grief because it is an in-the-moment present emotion. It is the representation of the empty feelings when faced with living a reality, where a person or situation has gone or is over. In the stage of depression, you will feel numbed, might not want to get out of bed and withdraw from everyday life socially. The latter is of vital importance to beat as social contact is necessary to give you willpower. Social contact in group therapy can help you to deal with what you are going through. You might find that you do not want to be around others but you must to keep your spirits up. If you find you do not feel like talking at groups force yourself. You might even feel suicidal in the depression stage with thoughts of 'Oh what's the point'?!
This is the last stage described by the Kübler-Ross Model. It should not be in the sense and feelings of 'It's okay that my husband died'. Rather it should be ' My husband died, but I know I will be okay'. Within this stage of the Kübler-Ross Model you will find your emotions start stabilising. And using the latter phrase brings you positivism. At, this time, you will start to enter the reality of the situation and it is vital that you keep active with friends, family and support groups. This is because depression could be the downward spiral. You can come to terms with the diagnosis. In this stage it does not happen to mean that there will be no bad days where the mental illness gets on top of you. There will be days where you may feel uncontrolled sadness. Here positive thinking and your support network can help you. In this stage the fog in your mind will start to lift and so make sure you gather your willpower and visit friends and family. Or have them visit you.